Tune:  "Sharp Dressed Man"
   By:  ZZ Top

Oh, a Scottish glen!
A signed photograph of Adrian!
Katana at my side
Wore black when poor Tessa dies ...
They run away as fast as they can
Cause every K'immie's frighted of a Dunkie Fan!!

The barge, may beers
Been speaking Gaelic now for six long years!
Dojo, oh, nekkid kata
Poor Duncan's been rejected by his Faddah!!
I watch Highlansder as much as I can
Cause that's the place you'll find a lot of Dunkie fans!!

The episodes, I've memorized!
I want a T-Bird just like Dunkie drives!
My dates don't seem to work,
Compared to Dunkie they are all such jerks!
I guess that I should get a different plan
I don't have a life cause I'm a Dunkie Fan!!

Tune:  "Tammuz"

I remember guady ndays when the year was springing!
Duncan, Methos, Joe and I, clicking cups and singing!
Then in sauntered Amanda, skimpy garmets clinging -
Tol her hips and things like that!
Duncan left us winging!

Then we welcomed Methos then, when he came to Paris
He was smooth as willow bark - nothing of a cleric!
But his taste in beer and ale - THAT was esoteric!
And he used a drinking cup that would strain a derrick!

So, we battled kalas then doing our good deeders
Twice we fought and once he fell
Drawing wolves for feeders!
While we strode where drinking men -
Called for expert leaders!!

Duncan would have joined us then but he'd just nbeen wedded!
Then Amanda - blast the wench! - whacked him as they bedded!
Damn such honeymoons as this - just the sort I've dreaded
For a drinking man is spoiled - once he's been beheaded!!

     Tune:  "Just A Closer Walk With Thee"

Just a lover's tryst with thee,
Grant it Dunkie is my plea!
Slowly making love to thee
Let it be -
Dear Lord, let it be!

Thou art stacked and oh so strong!
Pecs and abs to praise in song!
I'll be satisfied as long
As I tryst, dear Mac -
Tryst with thee!

         Tune:  "The House Of The Rising Sun"

There is a bar in Seacouver
They call it Joe's Place now!
It's been the ruin of many a poor fan
And Lord, I know I'm one!

Some patrons they are Immies!
Immortal as they can be!
Methos, he's the R-O-G;
He drinks his cheap beer down!

Duncan he is a hero!
Oh, he lives in Paris, now!
The only time he's satisfied is when
He whacks some Kimmie down!

Now Joe he is a Watcher man
He plays a mean guitar!
But his specialty is watching Mac
To steal his little black book!

                Tune:  "The Ballad Of Paladin" AKA:  "Have Gun Will Travel"

Have sword will whack'em
The motto of a man
A Boy Scout and Immie from a distant land! 
His katana flashes and they've met their fate
A whacker of Kimmies is the man called O-N-H!

O-N-H, O-N-H!  Why do you moan?
O-N-H, O-N-H!  The Quick'ning means groans!

He's traveled all over
Taken many a head!
Oh, decapitation always leaves them so dead!
If your name starts with K then your ass is grass!
Oh, Kimmies beware because he's ciome for your ass!

       Tune:  "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence"

Oh, when Melvin Koren came to town
The womenfolk would hide!
(They'd hide!)Melvin Koren walked around
The men would step aside
'Cause the point of a gun 
Was the only Law that Melvin understood!
When it came to shooting
Straight and fast -
He was mighty good!

From out of the West a Scotsman came
Katana in his hand
(A man!)
The kind of man the Game would need
A Boy Scout with a plan!
'Cause the point of gun
Was the only Law that Melvin understood!
When it came to shooting -
Straight and fast -
He was mighty good!

Many a man would face his gun
And many a man would fall!
The man who shot Melvin Koren!
Who shot Melvin Koren!
He was the bravest of them all!

When fierce, mad Kronos came to town
The R-O-G would hide!
(He'd hide!)
When fierce, mad Kronos walked around,
The menfolk they would die!
Because the edge of a blade
Was the only Law that Kronos undertood!
When it came to whacking
Quick and fast -
He was mighty good!

Chorus 2
Many a man would face his blade
And many an Immie die!
Oh, the man who whacked mad Kronos (Mad Kronos!)
Who whacked mad Kronos
He was most righteous of them all!

Now that same Scotsmans still in town
Sweetie Cassie, she's still fried!
(She's fried!)
But when the R-O-G she spied
To take his head she tried!
(And he lied!)
Still, the edge of a blade
Was the only Law in Kronos Mystery
"I am The End Of Time!"
Duncan said -
You are History!"

In the night two Quickinings sang out
One made Kronos fall!
Oh, the Scot who whacked The Horseman Kronos!
He whacked The Horseman Kronos
He was the bravest of them all!


Return To Parodies O'Plenty

Parodies O'Plenty: