Methos, The ROG

   Tune:  "The Armour Hot Dog Song
   By:  Dannell BARRY MANILOW Lites

Methos, oh what kind of fen love our Methos?
Fru fen, truefen, fen who don't like beer!
Fen of boxer shorts will cheer!
Cheer Methos, cheer for Methos,
The ROG fen love so dear!!

    Tune:  "Jingle Bells"

Dashing through the fru, looking for Methos
As through the pics we go , drooling, he's the most!
Bells on Toes so cute, causing thoughts of sin
What fun it is to see his toes and sing a hymn to them!

Barefoot toes, barefoot toes, Methos all the way!
What joy it is to drool and sing a fruish song today!
Oh, jingle toes, jingle toes, Methos all the way!
Great fun it is to see a fru and play and play and play!

HIGHLANDER from Dannell Lites
Tune: "Jingle Bells"

Dashing to my set in a frenzy I must say
Upon my couch I sprawl drooling all the way!
What joy it is to watch HL and slowly turn to mush!

Oh, Highlander, Highlander! HL all the way
What fun it is to watch and sing a slaying song tonight!
Oh, Highlander, Highlander! HL all the way
What fun it is to see Methos and gush and gush and gush!!

HIGHLANDER from Dannell Lites
Tune: "Green Acres"

Seacouver is the place to be
Highlander is the Show for me
Our Methos is a source of pride
Keep Rysher just gimme that TV guide!

Right here is where I'd rather play
Oh, Methos is the one who may
I just adore a fru to see
Dunkie, I love ya, but gimme that ROG!!

I am His Wife!!
Goodby Real Life!
Highlander we are here!!

by Dannell Lites

One day as I was bathing 
By a Clear Secluded stream
A maiden stepped from hiding
And said these words to me:

"I see that you're an Immie
And used to harsh discord
For nobody but any Immie
Would go bathing with his sword!"

"I once had an Immie lover
His name was Methos they say
And if you'd pour beer upon it
He'd eat a bale of hay!

"And everybody listened 
Though quietly he talked
Foe he carried so much hidden steel
That he clattered when he walked!"

He was handy in bedroom 
And cunning, Oh my Dear!
But the thing that made him famous
Was his thirst for many beers!"

"One night he said, 'I'm thirsty!'
I was sleepy but I tried
His beer was fifteen minutes late
And he shriveled up and died!!"

"And so I lost my lover
And so I pledged My Lord
To wait here for some Immie
To go bathing with his sword!!"

THE ROG'S ADVICE by Dannell Lites
TUNE: "Supercalifragilistic, etc"

Pillage,rape and loot and burn
But all in moderation!
If you do they things I Plan
Then we'll soon rule the nations!
Pillage rape and loot and burn
But all in moderation!

Pillage, rape and loot and burn
But all in moderation
Kill you foes and enemies
And then kill their relations!
Pillage, rape and loot and burn
But all in moderation!!

Petey's Nightmare by Dannell Lites 
Tune: "Lucille"

He fell threu the front door of a Seacouver barroom
An Immie still paintede all blue
He tripped on a barstool, fell over a table
And lost his last sweater and shoe
Now he was a looker and a high pressure cooker
A barefooted cutie for sure
He was wide-eyed and frightened what happedned by night's end
Would soon have me taking the cure!

Just then the front door oif that Seacouver barroom
Was smashed by a horde of wild chicks
They ripped off his clothing ignored all his loathing
Laughed at his cries of protest
They grabbed up the cuties of the shapely patootie
And dragged him right out of the door
My ears were ringing but I swear I heard singing
In a high-pitched soprano like roar -

You picked a fine time to leave us Methos!
Your our Blue Faced Love God but you're more than a boast!
We really fell for you primevil yell for
A Bronze Age lust all night long
You picked a fine time to leave us Methos!

Oh now there on the back streets of Seacouver town there
Raged a battle both mighty and true
I follow those wimmin down Seacouver streets
While their victim struggled his best
He called for his sword then and vowed he would not sin
A vow he was destined to rue
I was puzzled with no clue to see him skin so blue
But tell me what the hell is a fru!?

They looked all around for a good place to take him
An alley stood high on their list
They stripped him and miffed him, kissed him and pissed him
He fought them as best as he could
But too soon they had him all bound
Blue jeans were flying and Methos was cryin'
To them girls as he sobbed and frowned:

You picked a fine time to chase me you fools!
With Dunkie in trouble
Now, Kronos might rule!
You smeared me with blue yak lard, cought me off my guard
You aought to be feathered and tarred!
You picked a fine time to chase me you fools!!

         Tune:  "Wouldn't It Be Loverly?"

All I want's to survive, I swear!
Far away from MacKeod's dour glare
About The Prize, who cares??
Oh, wouldn't it be R-O-G?
Lots of Kimmies For Mac to beat!
Fighting and swords that are so neat!
My Ivanho's real sweet!
Oh wouldn't it be R-O-G?
Oh, so R-O-G manipulating MacLeod for fun!
Then I'm not forced to listen 
To comments about my gun!
Someone's head whizzing past my knee
In the end one's all there can be!
Now, why can't it be me??
Oh, wouldn't it be R-O-G?

     "If I Were King Of The Forest"

If I were the winner of The Prize
The One!  The One! The One!
My sword would attack'em
My Ivanhoe would be whackin'
I'd command each thing be it Kimmie foul
With a swish and whack and a Hoerseman growl -
As I'd click my heels Amanda would kneel
And Joe would bow and Duncan kowtow
If I - If I - were The One!  There'd be no need to run!
Each Mortal would show respect for me
The Immies genuflect to me
Though my sword would be lashin'
I would show compassion
For every underling!
If I - If I - were King!  (Hastily:  "I mean -")
The One!

      Tune:  "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus!"

I saw Mommy kiss the R-O-G!
Oh, down at Joe's Bar late last night!
She didn't see me creep through the doors to have a peek
She thought I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep!
Then I saw Mommy tickle her Methos
open his lips oh so fru
My what a fight it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Methos painted blue!!

         Tune:  "Whatever Lola Wants"

Whatecver Methos wants, Methos gets!
And little fan - the R-O-G wants you!
Make up your mind to have no regrets
Recline yourself, resign yourself - you're through!
He always gets what he Plans for
And your bod and heart are all he'll stand for!

What ever Methos wants, Methos gets!
Take off your frock
Don't you know you can't win?
You're no exception to the rule
He's ir-re-sist-i-ble you fool!  
Give in!

    Tune:  "If Ever I Would Leave You"

If ever I would cleave you
It wouldn't be in Summer!
Cleaving you in Summer, it would pain me so
Whacking you in Summer - it's to hot for that
Paris in the Summer is hotter than heck!

But if ever I would cleave you
How could it be in Autumn?
How I'd cleave you in Autmn I never would knwo!
I've seen how it rains then; I hate getting wet!
My sword might rurn rusty then where would I be?

And could I cleave you fighting merrily in the snow?
On a Wintry evening
When I'm freezing so?

If ever I would cleave you
How could it be in Springtime?
Knowing how in Spring I'm
Too lazy for blows!

Oh no!  Not in Springtime!
Summer, Winter or Fall!
No, never would I cleave you at al!!

       Tune:  "Please Don't Squeeze My Charmin"

Did you hear what happened last Saturday night?
While dancin' and drinkin'
We all got half tight
My sweet thing, My Methos
Was dancin'with a hon
When I had to jump up 
And I hollered off key!

Please don't squeeze my Methos!
Don't hold hjim so tight!
You'd best heed my warning
It's your last one tonight!
He's lean and he's sweet now
And cute as can be
And if Methos needs squeezin'
Just leave that to me!

Along about midnight
They were feelijg no pain
And Mwthos and honey - were dancin' ag'in
Then Dunkie and Mandy got into a fight
And I heard someone holler 
As out went the Light!

Repeat Chorus!

           Tune:  "Up In The Air, Junior Birdmen"!

On to the air with our Methos!
On to the air Rysher, please!
Onto the air with our Methos!
You mustn't dis or tease us
And when you give us our Methos
With his gorgeous face the most -
Oh, then we'll know all us ROG fen
Have sent our complaints in!

              Tune:  "Ladies Love Outlaws

Alexa was a liovely maid from Joe's bar, you see
Methos was an Immie - baretoed and lean
One night she saw him standing aned it thrilled her to the bone
Knew she had to have that BFLG bod all for her own!

Cause Ladies love Methos
Like trufen love to Post!
Ladies touch Methos, oh, like Methos touches beer!
And Methos Touches Ladies somewhere deep down in their - uh - souls??

Oh, Cassie hates Methos and prays to see him dead!
Methos had a reputation as a dread Horseman!
Then one night the R-O-G, he finally gave a sign!
Cassie left her hate behind and took her place in line!

Repeat Chorus

                Tune:  "We're Off To See The Wizard"

Follow that Scotsman MacLeod!
Follow that Scotsman MacLeod!
Follow, follow, follow, follow
Follow that Scotsman MacLeod!
Follow that Scotsman MacLeod!
Follow that Scotsman MacLeod!
Follow that Scotsman MacLeod!

We're off to kill the ROG now
The Really Old Immie Guy!
You'll find he is a ROG of a ROG
If ever a ROG there was
If ever, oh ever a ROG there was 
Because, because, because!
Because of the cunning things he does!   
We're off to kill the ROG now -
The nythical R-O-G!!

          Tune:  "The Irish Rover"

Now MacLeod was at peace , the challenges were few
On the Barge I was feeling uite bored
So, I bought me a Ford and took to the road
Just to see what fun that might afford!
In the rear was bar, she could quickly range far
So fast were the engines that drove her!
She was weaponed near and far
She was my kind of car
And I called her the Methos Rover!!

She had six dozens pistols and guns by the score
thre were some tha tcould fit in your palm
There were bunches of knives and three dozen grenades
Sayuing, "Hi!  I'm a thirty second bomb!"  ( 29 -28- 27 ...)
She had front mounted missles that strick with a force
Much like that of a very small nova!
And five dozen cases of Pete's Ale, of course!
In the trunck of the Methos Rover!!

       Tune:   "Rosin The Bow"

Well, some people say I'm a cynic
I'm quick with a sarcastic retort!
Since joing the Watcher I've got a new Plan -
I research myself then report!!

Now Duncan he says I'm  a Devil!
And Richie and Joe think so too!
But I think that I'm only practical
Beer mooching and clever it's true!

I never did car much for Challenge
Beheading is not what I do!
Just light a fire under their asses and -
The enemy will come to you!

Repeat Chorus

           Tune:  "Whatever Became Of Hubert?"

Whatever became of Methos?
Has anyone heard a thang?
Is he lost, is he cross -
Is he gathering moss?
Herding yaks as he sang?

Once a fiery Horseman in spirit
But now ehen he wahcks he must clear it!
Second fiddles a hard part I know
When DM won't even give you a bow!

We must protest thios treatment Methos!
Says each Highlander viewer
As someone once remarked to Rysher -
Take us to your cue-er!

Whatever became of you  Methos?
We miss so tell us please
Are you mad?  Are you bad?
Or is Duncan still sad?
Oh say do you flap in the breeze?

Does Duncan recalling when he was bid time
Say, "Listen, I pine; for your fate give a dime?"
"Do you dream about staging a coup?"
Oh, Methos what happened to you!!


Someone familiar
Someone so clever!
Someone for everyfan
The R-O-G tonight!
Someone appealing
Someone revealing
Someone for everyfan
The R-O-G tonight!!

 Something of Joe, somone with a past
Bring on the Kimmie's Fitz and laughs!
No BKC's now
We are so pleaed - wow!
Nothing of Richie in sight:(:(
Dunkie tomorrow
The R-O-G tonight!

Someone beheaded
Quick'ning we've dreaded
Something for everyone
Our Methos tonight!
Someoen so lean now
Someone so keen now
Someone for everyfan
Our Methos tonight!

We're glad he's back - we'll celebrate
Real Life affairs wil just have to wait!
Flashing katana's
Scenes in the sauna!
Oh, we love the Ivanhoe, right?
So, up with the curtain
Methos tonight!

Something Highlander
Something to pander
To our lust for candor
Our Methos tonight!
Something in blue, now
Something so fru, now!
Something for everyfan
Our Methos tonight!

We'll soon be sated
How long we've waited!
To see the R-O-G
Our Methos tonight!
The B-F-L-G is plenty for me
So up with the curtain
Methos tonight!

       Tune:  "The Yellow Rose Of Texas"

There's an R-O-G of wonder
Oh, he's the guy for me!
And no one can out think him for he's the R-O-G!
Now, once he was a Horseman
And was quite a sight to see!
He's the B-F-L-G!

He's the smartest Immie going and he's the oldest, too!
His eyes are green-gold jewels, they make us want to fru!
You may lust after your Dunkie-Poo and drool for Richie, too!
but the R-O-G of wonder is the sexiest, that's who!

There's an R-O-G of wonder
And Methos is his name!
There's no Immie who can whack him for he wil wion The Game!
When he unsheaths his Ivanho it deals a mighty blow!
And if that don't work he'll doff his shoes to reveal THE TOES!


Oh, bit we really miss him
And our hearts are full of woe!
The Powers have betrayed us and crushed our spirits so!
We'll play our ep tapes daily
And remember days of yore
Then the R-O-G of wonder shall be ours forever more!

      Tune:  "The Sounds Of Silence"

I am Methos, that is me!
And I'm devious as can be!
I'm slso mean and low and tricky	
Call me Highlander's main sickie!
And the cunning, oh, that's planted in my brain -
Will remain
Until i win The Prize!Q

In the end, now, there can be
Only one and that is me!
See, I'm not really very picky
Long as I'm the one that gets the Quickie!!
5,000 years I've managed to survive
Watch me hide!
Until I win the Prize!

My favoriye drink is cheap, warm beer!
And you should see me when I sneer!
I'm also mouthy, droll and witty!
You know it's really such a pity
I was Death on a horse, the nightmare we all dread -
Watch your head!
Until I win The Prize!

     Tune:  "The Irish Washerwoman"

All my sweater are baggy, my jeans they are black!
We "Brothers" Four Horsemen tied Rome in a sack!
I am not regulation I don't try to be
I'm a pain in the ass of the standard Immie!
I'm a pragmatic cynic though only a myth
I make deadly comments brimming with pith
I will honor a bargin and stand by a friend
But right about there is where my mannes end!

Well, if you mess with Methos then be ready to fly
Just be sure not to cross him The Really Old Guy!
He'll strike in the time that it takes you to cough
The next thing you know is your heads coming off!
If you bother Methos you are sure to regret it
Whatever your plan is he's bound to upset it
Thee's two types of warnings you'll get when he's hot:
One when he's smiling and one when he's not!

      Tune:  "The MLF Lullaby"
       By:  Tom Lehrer

Sleep, Methos, sleep
In peace may you slumber
No danger lurks your peace to encumber
You'll need your sword your head to defend
So keep it shap and aleays duck then win!

Why shouldn't you just take more and more heads?
Duncan says, "No!", but he's just a sorehead
I say the object whould be beheading
And guess who's the one on which I'm betting??

So, sleep well, dear Methos, the Sandman can linger
We hope that Duncan won't give you the finger!
We love The Old Man - I mean the R-O-G!
Here's to your loyal ally (Duncan?  Duncan Who?)
The R-O-G will be the One
Because he sleeps so bloody well!

He sleps in boxers, so slender and lean
Sword 'neath his pillow - so it goes ...
He loves going barefoot - for his feet we're keen!
Oh yes, we're all lusting for his toes!

Ok, remember YOU asked for it!!:):)

      Tune:  The Same!

Whatever happend to Highlander night??
When you saw Methos and you felt just right!
It don't seem the same since all the hype
Came into my life, I thought he was divine!

I used to read SF and I'd watch TV
I thought channel surfer was the thing to be!
Saw a Bristish guy playing in that Highlander show
And there I saw Methos and my lust did grow!
(Spoken:  "He's got a -"

Hot patootie, blessed be he!
I really love that R-O-G!
Hot patootie, blessed be he!
I really love that R-O-G
Hot patootie, blessed be he!
I really love that R-O-G!
Hot patootie, blesse be he!
I really love that R-O-G!

My head starting swimming from his lazy smile
And then the sound of his voice made my heart go wild
Well it was there I fell in love with his cunning guile
He was a great liar, man oh man, he really has style!!


His sense of humor it's so perverse
And Queen was singing "Princes Of the Universe"
Now it was was so very easy to fall for his charms
And besidesm I like the way that he's always well armed!!


         Tune:  "I've Grown Accustomed To Her Face"

Yes!  Yes!  Yes!

I've grown accustomed to his toes
They alsways make me want to sin!
I've grown accustomed to his wit
Cynical I must admit
His smirks, his sighs
His lips , his eyes
Are all I think of constantly
Like Watching him and fruing him
Now I was happy with my man before we met
Surely I can always be that way again?
And yet -
I've grown accustomed to his beer
Accustomed to his sword
I just love to see him "doing cute", oh, everyday!
His accent!  His nose!
His hands!  His toes!
Are all I think of constantly
Like Blue Frosting and His Harem
Yes, I'm just thrilled that he's the ROG!
And so very old and wise!
Just like an addiction 
One can always shake and yet -
I've grown accustomed to his foes
Who take me hostage now and then
I've grown accustomed to his toes ...

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